Narrated Aisha: With the start of the last ten days of Ramadan, the Prophet used to tighten his waist belt (i.e. work hard) and used to pray all the night, and used to keep his family awake for the prayers. (Bukhari, 1903)

by Sheikh Salman al-Oadah

The last ten nights of Ramadan are very special. The first of these nights occurs on the eve of the 21st day of Ramadan. In other words, it is the night that commences after the completion of the 20th day of fasting. Sometimes there are only nine nights, whenever the month of Ramadan lasts for only 29 days. Nevertheless, they are still traditionally referred to as "the last ten nights".

The last ten nights of Ramadan are very special. These are the nights that the Prophet (peace be upon him) would spend in constant worship. Among these nights is Laylah al-Qadr – a night more blessed than a thousand months.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) used to single these nights out for worship and the performance of good deeds. He would exert himself in worship during these ten nights more than any other nights of the year.

`Â'ishah tells us: "During the last ten nights of Ramadan, the Prophet (peace be upon him) would tighten his waist belt and spend the night in worship. He would also wake up his family." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1920)]

`Â'ishah also says: "I had never known Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) to read the entire Qur'ân in a single night, or to spend the whole night in prayer up until the morning, or to spend a whole month in fasting – except in Ramadan." [Sunan al-Nasâ'î (1641) and Sunan Ibn Mâjah (1348)]

When we say that the Prophet (peace be upon him) spent the whole night in worship, we should qualify it. This is because he would spend some time eating dinner, partaking of his pre-dawn meal, and other similar activities. However, he would spend most of the night in worship.

Waking Up the Family

`Â'ishah informs us that the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to wake up his family during the last ten nights of Ramadan. Indeed, he used to wake up his wives for prayer throughout the year, but that was so that they could pray for a small fraction of the night.

We know this, because Umm Salamah relates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) woke her up one night and said: "Glory be to Allah. What has been sent down of trials during this night? What has been sent down of treasures, so that the denizens of the bedchambers will be awakened? O Lord! To be clothed in this world by naked in the Hereafter." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1074)]

During the last ten nights of Ramadan, the Prophet (peace be upon him) would wake up his wives to pray for a much longer portion of the night than during the rest of the year.

Exerting Oneself in Worship

`Â'isha tells us: "The Prophet would exert himself in worship during the last ten nights more than at any other time of the year." [Sahîh Muslim (1175)]

The great jurist, al-Shâfi`î declares: "It is Sunnah for one to exert greater efforts in worship during the last ten nights of Ramadan." [al-Majmû` (6/397)]

When `Â'ishah tells us that the Prophet (peace be upon him) would "tighten his waistbelt", she is speaking figuratively. The phrase means to set about to devote oneself fully and wholeheartedly to the task at hand.

Seeking Out Laylah al-Qadr

One of the greatest distinctions of these ten special nights is that one of them is Laylah al-Qadr – the Night of Decree. This is the greatest night of the year – better than a thousand months. This means that a Muslim can earn more rewards on Laylah al-Qadr than he would if – excluding this special night – he were worship his Lord for eighty-four years straight. This is one of the immense favors that Allah has bestowed upon the Muslim community.

Ibrâhîm al-Nakha`î says: "Good works performed on this night are better than those performed consistently for a thousand months."

Abû Hurayrah relates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever spends Laylah al-Qadr in prayer, believing in Allah and seeking His reward, will be forgiven all of his past sins." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1802) and Sahîh Muslim (760)]

Belief in Allah, in this hadîth, means not only to believe in Allah, but to believe in the reward that we are promised for observing prayer on this night.

Laylah al-Qadr is on one of the odd nights. `Â'ishah relates that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "Seek out Laylah al-Qadr in the odd nights during the last ten nights of Ramadan." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1913) and Sahîh Muslim (1169)]

It is most likely one of the last seven odd nights. Ibn `Umar relates that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "Look for it in the last ten nights. If one of you falls weak or unable to do so, then he should at least try on the seven remaining nights." [Sahîh Muslim (1165)]

The most likely candidate for Laylah al-Qadr is the 27th night of Ramadan. This is indicated by the statement of `Ubayy b. Ka`b: “I swear by Allah that I know which night it is. It is the night in which Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) ordered us to observe in prayer. It is the night on the eve of the 27th of Ramadan. Its sign is that the Sun will rise in the morning of that day white without exuding any rays.” [Sahîh Muslim (762)]

A Muslim should seek out this special night by spending the last ten nights of Ramadan engaged in various acts of worship. These include reciting the remembrances of Allah, reading the Qur'ân, and begging Allah's forgiveness.

It is best for us to strive hard on all ten nights, because the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: The way we "look for" Laylah al-Qadr is by engaging in extra worship.

When the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Look for it in the last ten nights" he did not mean that we should literally "look for" signs and indications that distinguish Laylah al-Qadr from other nights. The things that distinguish Laylah al-Qadr from other nights are part of the Unseen.

Allah says: " Surely We revealed it on a blessed night. Surely We ever wish to warn (against evil) – On this night, every wise matter is made distinct." [Sûrah al-Dukhân (3-4)]

Allah says: "Laylah al-Qadr is better than a thousand months. The angels and the Spirit descend therein, by the permission of their Lord, with every decree. (This night is) peace, until the rising of the dawn." [Sûrah al-Qadr (3-5)]

These are the ways in which Laylah al-Qadr is special. They are not things that we can see with our eyes. No one after the Prophet (peace be upon him) can see the angels.

Observing a Retreat in the Mosque (I`tikâf)

Observing a retreat in the mosque is of the best things we can do during the last ten nights of Ramadan. `Â'ishah tells us: "The Prophet (peace be upon him) used to observe a retreat in the mosque during the last ten nights of Ramadan up until he died. His wives continued to observe this practice after his death." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1922) and Sahîh Musli (1172)]

The practice of i`tikâf is a strongly recommended act. It is defined as remaining in retreat in the mosque for the express purpose of worship. The purpose of doing so is to devote one's heart exclusively to Allah. The person engaging in i`tikâf keeps this intention close to mind and seeks Allah's blessings. He should not forget the reason why he is observing this retreat.

A person observing i`tikâf does not leave the mosque except for what is absolutely necessary (like going to the bathroom). While in the mosque, he should busy himself with the remembrance of Allah. He should make sure to offer the remembrances of the morning and evening and the prescribed remembrances for the five daily prayers. He should perform all of the Sunnah prayers and all other recommended prayers, like the Duhâ prayer. He should read as much of the Qur'ân as he can.

He should spend less time eating and sleep as little as possible. He should avoid unnecessary talk. However, he should engage in advising his fellow Muslims and in enjoining them to truth and to patience.

Generosity

It is encouraged for us to be extra generous during the last ten nights of Ramadan, without being extravagant or ostentatious in our giving. Ibn `Abbâs relates that: "Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) was the most generous of all people in doing good, and he was at his most generous during the month of Ramadan. Gabriel used to meet with him every year throughout the month of Ramadan, so the Prophet could recite the Qur'ân to him. Whenever Gabriel met with him, he became more generous than a beneficial breeze." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1902) and Sahîh Muslim (2308)]

Al-Nawawî states [al-Majmû` (6/398)]:

Generosity and open-handedness are strongly encouraged in Ramadan, especially during the last ten nights. By doing so, we emulate the example of Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) as well as of our Pious Predecessors. Also, this month is noble, and good works carried out in this month are more blessed than they are at any other time. Also, during this month, people are preoccupied with fasting and worship, and this distracts them from their livelihood, so they might need some assistance during this time.

Source: www.missionislam.com

Praise be to Allah.

It is one of the blessings of Allah to the Muslim that He enables him to fast in Ramadan and to spend its nights in prayer. It is a month in which good deeds are multiplied and people are raised in status, when Allah frees some people from the Fire. So the Muslim should strive to make the most of this month and the goodness it brings; he should hasten to spend his life in worship. How many people have been deprived of this month because of sickness, death or misguidance.

The Muslim must make the most of his time during this month; he has an unavoidable duty towards his children, to raise them well and bring them up properly, to urge them to do all kinds of goodness and make them get used to that – because the child will grow up in the manner to which his father makes him get accustomed.

During these blessed days, the father and mother have a role to play in making the most of this time, and we can offer parents the following advice:

1 – Checking on the children’s fasting and encouraging those who fall short in this regard.

2– Reminding them about the real nature of fasting, and that it is not just giving up food and drink, but it is a means of attaining taqwa (piety), and that it is an opportunity for sins to be forgiven and expiated.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ascended the minbar and said: “Ameen, Ameen, Ameen.” It was said to him, “O Messenger of Allaah, why did you do that?” He said, “Jibreel said to me, ‘May Allaah rub his nose in the dust, that person who Ramadaan comes and his sins are not forgiven,’ and I said, ‘Ameen’. Then he said, ‘May Allaah rub his nose in the dust, that person who lives to see his parents grow old, one or both of them, but he does not enter Paradise,’ and I said, ‘Ameen’. Then he said, ‘May Allaah rub his nose in the dust, that person in whose presence you are mentioned and he does not send blessings upon you,’ and I said, ‘Ameen.’”

Narrated by Ibn Khuzaymah, 1888; al-Tirmidhi, 3545; Ahmad, 7444; Ibn Hibbaan, 908. See Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3501.

3 – Teaching them the etiquette and rulings on eating, such as eating with the right hand from what is directly in front of them; reminding them that extravagance is haraam and is harmful to the body.

4 – Not letting them spend too long on eating iftaar so that they miss praying Maghrib in congregation.

5 – Reminding them about the situation of the poor and destitute who cannot find even a mouthful of food to quench the fires of hunger; reminding them of the situation of those who have migrated or are fighting in jihad for the sake of Allaah in all places.

6 – These gatherings offer an opportunity to bring relatives together and uphold the ties of kinship. This custom still exists in some countries, and it is an opportunity to reconcile and mend broken ties between relatives.

7 – Helping the mother to prepare the food, and to clean up and keep the food fit for eating.

8 – Reminding them to pray qiyaam (taraweeh) and to prepare for it by not eating too much and to get ready in time to perform the prayer in the mosque.

9 – With regard to suhoor, the parents should remind the family of the barakah (blessing) of suhoor and that it gives a person the strength to fast.

10 – Allowing enough time before Fajr prayer so that those who have not prayed Witr may do so, and so that those who have delayed their prayer until the end of the night may pray, and so that each person may make du’aa’ to his Lord as he wishes.

11 – Paying attention to praying Fajr on time in congregation in the mosque, for those who are required to do so. We have seen many people who wake up at the end of the night to eat, then they go back to bed and neglect Fajr prayer.

12 – It was the practice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in the last ten days of Ramadaan to stay up at night and wake his family. This indicates that the family should pay attention to making the most of this blessed time in doing things that are pleasing to Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted. So the husband should wake his wife and children to do that which will bring them closer to their Lord.

13 – There may be small children in the house who need to be encouraged to fast, so the father should urge them to get up for suhoor, and encourage them to fast by praising them and giving a reward to the one who fasts the whole month or half of it, and so on.

It was narrated that al-Rubayyi’ bint Mu’awwidh said: On the morning of ‘Ashoora’ the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent word to the villages of the Ansaar saying, “Whoever started out not fasting, let him not eat for the rest of the day, and whoever started the day fasting, let him fast.” She said: We used to fast and make our children fast, [and take them to the mosques] and make toys for them out of wool, then if one of them cried for food we would give him that toy until iftaar.

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1859; Muslim, 1136 – the words in square brackets were narrated by Muslim.

Al-Nawawi said:

This hadeeth shows that we should train children to do acts of worship and get them used to that, but they are not accountable.

Al-Qaadi said: It was narrated from ‘Urwah that when they are able to fast it becomes obligatory upon them. This is a mistake which is disproven by the saheeh hadeeth, “The Pen is lifted from three: from the child until he reaches adolescence…” And Allaah knows best.

Sharh Muslim, 8/14

14 – If possible, the father and mother should take the family for ‘Umrah in Ramadaan, and that is something that will benefit them in the Hereafter,, themselves and their family, for ‘Umrah during Ramadaan has the same reward as Hajj. It is better to go at the beginning of Ramadaan so as to avoid the crowds.

15 – The husband should not overburden his wife with more than she can bear of having to prepare food and sweets. Many people take this month to prepare fancy foods and drinks, and they go extremes in that. This detracts from the sweetness of this month and goes against the reason for fasting, which is to attain piety.

16 – The month of Ramadaan is the month of the Qur’aan, so we suggest that each family gets together to read Qur’aan. The father should teach his family to recite Qur’aan and help them to understand the meanings of the verses. In the same gathering they may also read a book about the rulings and etiquette of fasting. Allaah has enabled many scholars and seekers of knowledge to write books which can be used for preaching and teaching during Ramadaan; the books are divided into thirty parts, so one topic can be read each day, and this will benefit everyone.

17 – They should be encouraged to spend and check on their neighbours and the needy.

It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was the most generous of people, and he was at his most generous during Ramadaan when Jibreel met him. He would meet him each night and revise the Qur’aan with him. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was more generous than the blowing wind.

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6; Muslim, 2308.

18 – The parents should prevent their families and children from staying up late at night and wasting their time in things that are of no benefit, let alone things that are haraam. For the devils among mankind are more active in this month in promoting evil things and acts of immorality to those who are fasting, during the nights of Ramadaan and during the days.

19 – They should remember the family’s meeting in Allaah’s Paradise in the Hereafter, and the great joy of meeting there under the shade of His throne. These blessed gatherings in this world and coming together to obey Allaah by seeking knowledge, fasting and praying are only the means that lead to attaining that happiness.

Source: www.sisters.islamway.com

By Fatima Khan

Alhamdu lillah, the one lesson that sisters are able to pick up on from my webinars is that of the APT approach: to Appreciate, Praise, and Thank your husband, everywhere and everytime.

So what is it about the APT approach that makes me stress it so, just about in every question I am faced with. Surely I'm better equipped as a Relationship Coach to come up with an original answer to each question that sisters ask me. The truth remains, that the most original and honest thing you can do, in any given situation, is to simply be APT.

"The affair of the believer is amazing! The whole of his life is beneficial, and that is only in the case of the believer. When good times come to him, he is thankful and it is good for him, and when bad times befall him, he is patient and it is also good for him." [Muslim]

How about that? Every thing is beneficial.

Appreciate, Praise and Thank your husband.

Appreciate him for all that he does, the duties that he fulfils and the extra steps he takes towards your marriage.

Praise him to let him know you appreciate him, so he knows what he should be more of, or do more of.

Thank him for the small favors he does for you, even if it's taking out the groceries from the car, or turning off the lights when leaving the room.

The APT approach is complete only when you apply it both in solitude and in company of others.

If you are a garment for him, as he is for you, then you provide as much a covering for your husband as he does for you.

I've had many sisters counter this with questions revolving around the husband's actions and all that he ought to do, and doesn't. Sisters, no one shall bear the burden of another. You are ultimately responsible for your actions and duties, exactly how our Prophet sal Allahu alaiyhi wa sallam told us when he said, "(I order you) to give the rights that are on you and to ask your rights from Allah."' [Bukhari]

For starters, here are 3 ways you can adopt the APT approach from the instant you are done reading this article, bi'thnillah.

1) Correct your language, even the voices inside your head.

The biggest favor you can do to yourself from this very moment on, is to drop the, "BUT." Give your husband his due credit by paying him an absolute compliment with no exceptions. The, "but" may help you connect two sentences together, it also makes you feel that one statement is not as true as the next.

Even something as simple as, "My husband's a great father but he forgets our family commitments sometimes" can be set a world apart just by dropping one word. "My husband's a great father." Full stop. "Sometimes he forgets our family commitments. Full stop.

You're on your way to recognize each sentence as a fact, and to give your husband the credit for all that he does do right. Without the contradictions you'll find the APT approach much easier to follow inshaAllah.

2) Who do you spend the most time with?

Alhamdu lillah, you've got a whole lot of things to be thankful in your marriage. How would you feel to share that with the people whom you spend the most time with? Imagine having to think pleasant thoughts, and speak pleasantly of your marriage for the majority of your day, with those whom you're most in touch with. Chances are, you'll be smiling all the way until the evening when your husband comes home, inshaAllah.

Take into consideration those sisters who complain about their marriages or are unhappy about some aspects, giving preference to the dark cloud over the silver lining. You may have come across such sisters in many age groups, and can easily see how a younger sister like that progresses as an older wife. If you fit this description, or know anyone else who does, ask yourself whether the chosen path actually takes you in the direction you seek. If not, then what will?

Also sisters, please make du'a for anyone whom you know to fit this bill, for their marriage and their dunya and akhirah.

3) APT approach with your families

This is a simple step that branches out into immense barakah for your marriage and your families inshaAllah. Appreciate, praise and thank your husband around your family and his. Your parents will be ecstatic to hear of the qualities in your husband that make you happy, and his parents will be humbled to hear of their son in such an admiring manner.

All three steps combined, your husband will want to think of ways to put a smile on your face for all the positive input he gets as a result bi'thnillah.

You are your husband's garment, adorn your relationship with praise and gratitude because drawing attention to his drawbacks to anyone bares your flaws in turn. The APT approach will magnify the good that is in your husband, and encourage him to bring out even more of all that you acknowledge. What you respond to the most, is what he'll give you in turn, for that is where he gets his wife's attention from.

Fatima Khan is a Certified Life Coach and an NLP Practitioner specialising in Relationship Coaching for Muslim Women. She is energetic and optimistic. Her optimism shines through and enables all around her to develop a stronger outlook on life and their relationships. She has a website: http://www.lifepepper.org/. You should sign up for her weekly newsletter by clicking here.

1. Knowledge of and love for Allah and the deen. This is one of the most precious and enduring gifts you can pass down to your daughter, one that will benefit her in this life and the next.

2. Memorisation of the Qur’an. No matter how little you have memorised yourself, push your daughter to memorise as much she can. Encourage her and help her to revise. It will stand her in good stead in her life and will be a source of reward for you after your death as well.

3. A good example of Muslim womanhood. Most girls look to their mothers for guidance. Embody the characteristics of a strong, faithful Muslimah and she will be inspired to follow your example.

4. A sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Instil a sense of confidence in your child by encouraging her skills, talents and personality to develop. Make her feel secure in her identity and show her that she is loved and appreciated. This will have a positive impact on her future relationships and how she interacts with the world.

5. A sense of modesty. Instil a love for hijab in your daughter and encourage her to be modest, never boastful or conceited, in all areas of her life.

6. Your language. If you speak Arabic, be sure to teach it to her so that she has the key to the understanding of the Qur’an. Also, if you have a mother tongue or speak a second language yourself, pass it on: a second or third language is always an asset, whether in a study, work or social environment.

7. A skill that you have. If you are an avid gardener, knitter or love painting, pass your skill onto your daughter. With so many ‘traditional’ skills being lost in today’s fast-paced world, you owe it to her to share your knowledge and pass it on to the next generation.

8. Your favourite recipes. Yes, teach your daughter how to cook! Be it from a cookbook, an original recipe or passed down from your mother or even your grandmother, we all have our own trademark recipes: pass them on to your daughter and encourage her to develop some specialities of her own.

9. Housekeeping skills. Instil good housekeeping habits in all your children and encourage them to take pride in a neat and tidy home. Pass any tricks or shortcuts on so that your daughter is well-equipped when she has a home of her own.

10. Your family history. Give her a sense of her roots and heritage by sharing your family story with her. Acquaint her with her family tree and teach her the lessons learned by the different generations. Hopefully, she will do the same with her children, insha Allah.

Source: www.idealmuslimah.com

Couples can return to the state of intimacy from conflict, if, and only if, they stop hurting each other and return to meeting each other’s emotional needs again.

What is intimacy?

Intimacy is closeness to each other. In an intimate state, spouses communicate smoothly, rush to do whatever it takes to make each other happy, and avoid what might upset or annoy the other. Couples can achieve this state only through meeting each other’s psychological, emotional and physical needs.

Reviving and maintaining intimacy: Mainstream-counseling perspective

From Dr. Harley's research and experience in trying to save marriages through counseling, he concluded that couples negotiate from one of three states of mind, each having its own unique negotiating rules and its own unique emotional reactions. He called these states of mind, 'intimacy', 'conflict' and 'withdrawal'.

Couples can return to the state of intimacy from conflict, if, and only if, they stop hurting each other and return to meeting each other's emotional needs again. The first and most important concept that Dr. Harley produced to help couples understand the rise and fall of romantic love is "the Love Bank Account". In his study of what it takes to build love bank accounts, he learned that habits were much more important to consider than isolated instances of behavior. Habits that deposit love units build very large love bank balances because they are repeated over and over almost effoltressly. Isolated behaviors, on the other hand, usually do not affect the love bank much. Similarly, habits that withdraw love units tend to destroy love bank balances because they are also repeated almost effoltressly. In marriage, one of the most destructive behaviors is an angry outburst, where one spouse intentionally tries to hurt the other one, causing massive love bank withdrawals.

As a starting point to build the love bank balance, dr. Harley encourages spouses to get into the habit of doing whatever it takes to make each other happy (deposit love units), and avoid habits that make each other unhappy (withdraw love units). Through his counseling experience, he proved the success of his approach in saving marriages and restoring intimacy. As soon as he realized that a large love bank balance triggered the feeling of love, he tried to discover what spouses could do for each other that would make the largest love bank deposits. "What could your spouse do for you that would make you the happiest?" He asked each couple that he counseled, and then he compiled the answers he had in a set of audiotapes that teaches what a husband needs from his wife and what a wife needs from her husband.

Reviving and maintaining intimacy: Islamic perspective

As committed Muslims who believe that the Islamic message is the absolute final truth that provides the cure for every ailment and grants the ultimate happiness in both this life and eternal life, we weigh any information or research findings with the message of Islam to accept what is compatible and reject what contradicts any of Islam's teachings. Dr. Harley's recommendations in the twenty first century were not any different from what Allaah Almighty, and his Messenger sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) taught us fourteen hundred years ago.

Marriage unites the souls

The Quran emphasizes the essential unity of men and women in the most beautiful metaphor for intimacy. Allaah Says (what means): "…They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them…" [Quran 2: 187]

Just as a garment hides our nakedness, so do husband and wife, by entering into the relationship of marriage, secure each other's chastity, and cover each other's faults. The garment gives comfort, grace and beauty to the body; so does a husband find comfort in his wife's company and she in his.

The Quran has given the comprehensive description of intimacy in marriage, and considered it one of His Signs. Allaah Says (what means): "And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought." [Quran 30: 21]

Islamic tips to restore and maintain intimacy in marriage

Islam gave us detailed instructions that identify rights, responsibilities and characters of both husband and wife to build their relationship on mutual love, respect, and mercy. Here are the most important tips that lead to a successful and happy marriage.

1. Faith: Common faith binds the couple strongly. Since Islam is a way of life, it becomes an integral part of a Muslim's life. Couples with strong faith will share the same values and the frame of reference and communicate smoothly and effectively. Faith plays an essential role in developing a loving relationship.

Couples who work on strengthening their faith, for example by performing the Prayer, reading Quran, and seeking Islamic knowledge together, become closer. They love and please Allaah through loving and pleasing each other. The commitment couples make to Allaah are excellent facilitators for enhancing their family's spiritual development and commitment to Allaah and His Religion.

2. Forgiving: When the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said to his Companions may Allaah be pleased with them: "Do you wish that Allaah should forgive you?" They said, 'of course, O Prophet of Allaah.' He sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) responded: 'Then forgive each other.'"

One of the main components of a happy marriage is forgiveness. It is a challenge not to blame and to move past an incident when one hurts the other. This can only happen if we are not too proud to ask for forgiveness and we are not too stingy to forgive.

3. Friendship: A relationship based on friendship is more able to withstand outside pressures. We mean the friendship that is based on honor, trust, respect, acceptance and care for each other, in spite of our differences.

4. Feelings: The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) stated that Allaah forgives all sins if we repent but not those we have committed against others, i.e., hurt their feelings unless the person we have hurt forgives first. Couples must be very careful not to hurt the feelings of each other and if they inadvertently do, they should apologize as soon as possible. Since one does not know when someone they love will leave this world, is it not better to make amends when we have the time?

5. Openness: Marital relationship is where the partners must feel safe to speak their mind honestly with due consideration to the other's feeling, without compromising their own views. When the communication is not sincere it hinders the development of closeness and deep understanding of each other's inner self.

6. Flattering: Paving compliments and indulging in honest flattery is a very inexpensive way to win your spouses heart. Everyone likes to be appreciated and noticed. So being scant with compliments is actually depriving one of being appreciated in return.

7. Unconditional giving: The heart does not put conditions or make stipulations. It gives without expecting anything in return, but such selfless giving is always rewarded tenfold.

8. Fallibility: When couples start to demand the impossible they must remind themselves that only Allaah is Perfect.

Source: www.islamweb.net

By: Sheikh Husayn al-Awaaishah

Who to start with?

In Da'wah (call to Islam), start with yourself before the members of your family and other people and look at what is lacking in you in order that you may start treating it.

So if there is a common deficiency between you and one of your companions or family members, then join him with you in resolving this problem because the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam  said: "Whoever from amongst you sees an evil he should change it with his hand and if he is not able to, then with his tongue and if he is not able to, then he should hate it in his heart, and that is the weakest level of faith." [Muslim and Ahmed]

How is your relationship with Allaah?

How is your humbleness in prayer?

Read about that which will better your condition and that of your prayer, increase your humbleness in it and soften your heart.

Are you one whose supplications are answered or do you notice most of your supplications not being answered?

Look into your Aqeedah (Faith) and the level of your certainty and reliance upon Allaah, and observe closely your food and drink - are they from that which is Halaal (lawful) or Haraam (unlawful), or is there some doubt about their source?

If the situation was one that requires enjoining good and forbidding evil, what would you do? Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam said: "By Him in Who's Hand is my soul, you will enjoin good and prohibit evil or (else) Allaah will soon send upon you a punishment from Him, then you will call upon Him and He will not answer you." [Ahmed and At-Tirmithi]

Maybe you would benefit from reading Hadeeths (Prophetic narrations) pertaining to the punishment of the grave and that of its bliss, about the terror of the Resurrection, and the torment of the Hell Fire. You could well continue reading for days, weeks or months, accompanying that with good actions and self-struggle.

It is imperative that a person takes his soul to account and treats his deficiencies. Match yourself against the Quran and the Sunnah (Prophet's, sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam, tradition) to know who you are, and look what you have set aside for Allaah to know what Allaah, the Almighty and Majestic, has prepared for you because of the saying of the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam: "Whoever wants to know what Allaah has prepared for him then he should look to what he has prepared for Allaah." [As-Silsilah As-Saheehah]

Are you prepared for the meeting with Allaah?

Have you fulfilled the rights of the creation, one to another? Or are you in a constant state of postponing and deferring?

Have you converted your knowledge of repentance into crying and penitence?

Have you turned whatever you have read about loving Allaah into real love for your Muslim brothers?

Do you often visit them, and overlook their faults? Do you aid the needy from amongst them, feel delight for their happiness and grieve for their sorrow?

Do you taste the sweetness and delight of Faith?

Are Allaah and his Messenger, sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam, more beloved to you than anybody else?

Do you give precedence to the love of Allaah over wealth, business, whims and desires?

Test yourself when you hear the call to prayer, if you notice a desire to delay answering it in order to pursue your interests in trade (for example) then know that Satan has succeeded in gradually leading you astray and that your love for Allaah is deficient. In this way it is upon you to consolidate yourself, giving precedence to the orders of Allaah over any other worldly matter.

How is your abhorrence of entering into disbelief? Do you abhor it as you would abhor being thrown into the Hell Fire?

Do you live this abhorrence and this feeling in you, so that your sincerity to Allaah is cultivated and that you may hasten to purify your soul?

Contemplate the Hadeeth of Umm Salamah may Allaah be pleased with her who said: '"Most of the invocations of the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam, used to be: "O Changer of the Hearts make my heart firm upon your religion." [Ahmed and At-Tirmithi]

Reflect upon how Ibraaheem (Abraham) may Allaah exalt his mention feared associating partners with Allaah, so he used to supplicate (what means): "And keep me and my sons away from worshipping idols." [Quran 14:35]

This is what Abu Ad-Dardaa' may Allaah be pleased with him used to fear hence his saying: 'Verily what I fear from my Lord on the Day of Resurrection is that He calls me in front of all creation and says to me "O 'Uwaymir (i.e., Abu Ad-Dardaa' himself)," so I say, "Here I am My Lord at Your service," so He says, "What did you act upon from the knowledge that you acquired?"

Don't forget the supplication of Yousuf (Joseph) may Allaah exalt his mention (which means): "Cause me to die as a Muslim and join me with the righteous." [Quran 12:101]

You should aid yourself through fear: living with the fear of eternal abode in the Hell Fire. Don't rest and sit around while the sweetness of Faith is missing or is weakened. How many people set out on journeys for the purpose of treating their illnesses and how many of them spend out of their wealth to treat these illnesses? Do not the souls and the hearts have more priority in being treated, as their matter is one of total eternity? Bring to mind the Hadeeth, "Every slave will be resurrected upon that which he died." [Muslim], then expect death at any moment.

It is better for you if you were to meet death whilst trying to improve your own condition than to die whilst striving to improve others', being held accountable at the same time for leaving off obligatory actions just like the lantern that burns itself out and gives light to others, as in the Hadeeth: "The example of the scholar who teaches the people good things but forgets himself is that of a lantern, it gives light to the people but burns itself out." [At-Tabaraani]

Source: www.islamweb.net

Hajj is the fifth pillar of Islam. It is the peak and culmination of the acts of worship. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Whoever performs the rites of Hajj, while having refrained from acts of lewdness, obscenity and wrangling, will return home like a new born (i.e., free from all sins).” He (peace and blessings be upon him) also said, “A virtuous Hajj entails no other reward than Paradise.”

The question, however, remains: What is meant by a virtuous Hajj?

The answer is not hard to find when we closely peruse the teachings of the Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) as well as the wise instructions of the scholars and imams.

First of all, a virtuous Hajj is that which fulfills two important conditions:

One, it must be done in accordance with the prescribed way, and

Two, it must be done with a sincere intention to please Allah, the most Exalted and Glorious.

In order to fulfill the first condition, while performing Hajj, the Muslim must take care to conform to the form and manner of Hajj as taught by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) who reminded us during his farewell Hajj, “Learn your Hajj rites from me.”

It is not difficult to learn the correct form of Hajj: It can be done either by following the teachings of any of the acceptable Schools of Jurisprudence, or by close study of the Qur’an and Sunnah under a qualified teacher. By failing to do so, the person will not fulfill the Hajj rites as prescribed by Almighty Allah and His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), for it is important to remember that in acts of worship, we must never mix our personal opinions with religion.

Once a person has learned the basics of Hajj, it is also important for him—whenever he/she faces issues that are not clear—to seek the opinion of those who have been endowed with knowledge. The Muslim must never act based solely on his/her own personal opinions, without sufficient knowledge.

Coming to the issue of sound intention, it is important to know that while the form of Hajj is important, equally, if not more important is the spirit of Hajj. If a person is not keen to guard the spirit of Hajj, it becomes nothing more than empty rituals devoid of any deep meaning. It is only by diligently preserving the spirit of Hajj that the Muslim can hope to gain the maximum benefits from performing it.

With this purpose in mind, let us list some of the most important points to keep in mind before embarking on the Hajj journey as well as during the course of Hajj.

1) The Muslim who is planning to undertake Hajj should make sure that the fare and expenses of Hajj have been earned through lawful sources of income, free from all taints of haram. A Hajj funded through unlawful means merits no reward.

2) It is equally important to make sure that he undertakes the journey in as clean a state as possible. In order to achieve this, the Muslim should pay off his debts, seek forgiveness from those whom he may have offended or hurt, and reconcile with those who have strained relations. While it is important to reconcile with everyone, it is even more crucial to reconcile with his own close blood relations such as parents, brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts, from both the paternal and maternal sides of the family. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “One who severs blood relations cannot hope to enter Paradise.” Therefore, by failing to make up with his blood relations prior to performing Hajj, he is depriving himself of the true rewards of Hajj.

3) The Muslim who is leaving behind dependents must ensure that they are provided for and taken care of, during his absence.

4) The Muslim should leave a will stating his obligations and liabilities towards others and how to discharge of them in case of being unable to return.

5) It is a true sign of piety to advise his family members who are left behind to be mindful of Almighty Allah and to observe the path of righteousness.

6) The Muslim should also try as much as possible to travel in the company of those who are knowledgeable and pious. This is because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said that a Muslim should take care of the company he keeps as they have either a beneficial or harmful influence on him. By keeping the company of the righteous, the Muslim can hope to be inspired and enlightened both spiritually and morally, thus, hoping to reap the full benefits of Hajj.

7) The Muslim should also be diligent in the performance of dhikr  (remembrance of Allah) before, during and after returning from Hajj. There are prescribed du`aa’ to be recited before and during the journey as well as while performing the various rites of Hajj. Moreover, the Muslim should also try to make his tongue and heart always supple with dhikr. He may be inspired to do this by remembering that dhikr of Allah is the true spirit of Hajj.

8) The Muslim can never exaggerate the importance of nurturing patience and tolerance both during the journey as well as while performing the rites of Hajj. Doing everything he can to help others, or at least sparing others of his harm should be the consistent policy to follow.

9) Finally, the Muslim should fill his heart with true love for Almighty Allah and His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) and perform all the rites of Hajj while being attentive to their inner meanings, with a sense of awe and reverence. Also, he should always remember the Prophetic saying, “Show mercy to others if you wish to receive Allah’s mercy.”

May Allah accept our acts of worship, and may He grace us with His vision on the Day Resurrection, amen.

Source: www.islam.ca

Source: www.sisters.islamway.com

Have you noticed that each year, Ramadan goes by faster and faster? Personally, I can remember details of Ramadan 11 years ago better in some ways than of Ramadan last year. It’s frightening.

This blessed month can’t be left to become a blur in our memories. It has to be more than that time of the year we squeeze in fasting amongst the other things we do daily.

One way to make the most of Ramadan is to plan beforehand. Here are nine reasons why you should plan for Ramadan:

Reason 1: To be in "Ramadan mode"

By planning for Ramadan before it arrives, you put your mind in "Ramadan mode". If you plan, you will mentally prepare for it, and it will force you to see it as the special month it is outside of your regular routine the rest of the year.

Reason 2: To adjust your schedule

By planning in advance, you can adjust your work, sleep and meal schedules in such a way as to make time for Suhoor, Iftar, etc. That means, for instance, that if you normally go to bed at midnight, in Ramadan you would sleep earlier in order to get up early for Suhoor. Or if you usually study late, you can instead sleep earlier and start studying after Suhoor in the early morning hours. Planning in advance allows you the luxury to make time for the change in schedule that Ramadan brings.

Reason 3: You can plan Ramadan family time

Is dinner time usually an individual affair in your home, as opposed to a time the whole family eats together? Are Friday evenings the time every family member goes off to his/her own social activities? Planning in advance can change this at least in Ramadan. Calling a family meeting about a month in advance, explaining the importance of Ramadan, its implications for the family and the need to eat Iftar together when possible as well as to attend Tarawih prayers, for example, will allow all family members to adjust their work and school schedules accordingly. That will, Insha Allah, make Ramadan a blessing not just to every person in the family, but to the family as a whole.

Reason 4: To make the menu

While Ramadan may mean extra Ibadah to some of the brothers, it usually means extra cooking for most of the sisters. Ramadan’s blessings are for men and women. Making a Ramadan menu for Iftar and meals, and working out when you want to invite relatives, neighbors and friends for Iftar will give sisters the opportunity to catch Tarawih and various other advantageous Ibadat instead of spending Ramadan’s 29 or 30 days stuck in the kitchen. (And by the way, brothers, helping out with cooking or cleaning was a practice of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him-maybe this is a way you can increase your Sawab [rewards] this month).

Reason 5 : You can plan an Iftar at your home

You may have eaten fantastic Iftars at friends’ homes last year. This year, open your doors. There is blessing in feeding a fasting person other than yourself and your family. Planning in advance gives you the luxury of calling friends over the month before and setting a date, so you can "grab" them before others get an opportunity to.

Reason 6: To make a travel schedule

Do you know a fellow Muslim in your neighborhood who wants to get to the mosque for Tarawih every night but doesn’t have a car? Or do you look at your work schedule and realize you have to work overtime near the end of Ramdan, so your family will miss out on Tarawih at the mosque the last ten nights of Ramadan? Planning in advance helps you work out your daily or weekly travel schedule to attend Tarawih prayers at the mosque, or even a trip for Iftar at a friend’s place who may life farther away. It also helps ease the burden of transportation in winter. Maybe you can start a car pool? Since you have the time before Ramadan begins, you can work this out with neighbors and friends.

Reason 7: To do good at high Sawab times

Being generous is definitely an Islamic merit, but being generous in Ramadan is even more highly rewarded. Match Ibadat with specific times that carry more reward. Prepare to do Itifkaf, increase asking Allah for forgiveness in the last ten nights of Ramadan. Plan to give increased Sadaqa this month. Plan to visit that relative you may have not seen for months, if not years. Thinking about and arranging to do these things and finding other ways of gaining the pleasure of Allah in Ramadan will Insha Allah help you benefit more from it.

Reason 8: You can squeeze in Eid shopping

Planning in advance helps you think about all of those things you wanted to do in time for the end of Ramadan or Eid last year but couldn’t. Maybe you wanted to go Eid shopping for gifts for family and friends in the last week of Ramadan but were too busy with the last ten nights of Ramadan. No problem. This year, you decide to go in the third week of Ramadan instead.

Reason 9: You can plan Dawa activities during Ramadan

Some Muslims have gone to soup kitchens and made meals during Ramadan, while they were fasting. Not only will, Insha Allah, they be rewarded, but this is a great Dawa opportunity to explain what Ramadan and Islam are about. Planning in advance for such an activity gives you the time to call up a soup kitchen in your area, explain what you want to do, and get your act together. You can also plan school Dawa activities in Ramadan by planning in advance, by meeting with the principal or teacher beforehand, preparing a presentation, etc.