Narrated 'Aisha: (the wife of the Prophet) The Prophet used to practice Itikaf in the last ten days of Ramadan till he died and then his wives used to practice Itikaf after him. (Bukhari, 1905)

Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah says (rahimahu Allah): "Since the hearts' rectitude and firmness upon the path towards Allah the Most High, rests upon directing it solely upon Allaah and causing it to turn and give all its attention to Allaah the Most High. Since the disorder of the heart cannot be rectified except by turning to Allaah the Most High, and its disorder will be increased by eating and drinking too much, mixing with the people excessively, speaking profusely and sleeping too much. These will cause it to wander into every valley, and cut it off from its path to Allah, weaken it, divert it or put a halt to it.

From the Mercy of the Mighty and Most Merciful is that He has prescribed for them fasting , which will cut off the excesses of eating and drinking, and empties the heart of its desires which divert it on its journey to Allah the Most High. He prescribed it in due proportion as will be appropriate and will benefit the servant, with regard to this world and the Hereafter, and does not harm him, nor damage what is beneficial for him.

He also prescribed i`tikaf for them, by which is intended that the heart is fully occupied with Allah, the Most High, concentrated upon Him alone, and cut off from preoccupation with the creation. Rather it is engrossed with Him alone, the One free of all defects, such that remembering Him, loving Him and turning to Him takes the place of all anxieties of the heart and its suggestions, such that he is able to overcome them. Thus all his concerns are for Him. His thoughts are all of remembrance of Him, and thinking of how to attain His Pleasure and what will cause nearness to Him. This leads him to feel contented with Allah instead of the people, so that prepares him for being at peace with Him alone on the day of loneliness in the grave, when there is no one else to give comfort, nor anyone to grant solace except Him. So this is the greater goal of I'tikaf"

I`tikaf is the seclusion and staying in the mosque with the intention of becoming closer to Allah. This was the practise of the Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, during the last ten days of Ramadan especially. He would do it during other months as well.

'Aisha reported that the Messenger of Allah, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, used to practice I`tikaf in the last ten nights of Ramadan and used to say, "Look for the Night of Qadr in the last ten nights of the month of Ramadan" [Bukhari]

Abu Hurairah, radiyallahu 'anhu said: "Allah's Messenger, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, used to perform i`tikaf for ten days every Ramadan, then when it was the year in which he was taken (died), he performed I`tikaf for twenty days. [Bukhari]

The sunnah or preferred i`tikaf has no specific time limit. It can be fulfilled by staying in the mosque with the intention of making i`tikaf for a long or short time. The reward will be according to how long one stays in the mosque. If one leaves the mosque and then returns, he should renew his intention to perform itikaf.

It is preferred for the one who is making I`tikaf to perform many supererogatory acts of worship and to occupy himself with prayers, reciting the Qur'an, glorifying and praising Allah, extolling His oneness and His greatness, asking His forgiveness, sending salutations on the Prophet, upon whom be peace, and supplicating Allah - that is, all actions that bring one closer to Allah.

Permissible Acts for the Mu`takif (the person performing I`tikaf)

1. The Person may leave his place of I`tikaf to bid farewell to his wife and a Woman can visit her husband who is in I`tikaf}
   
   Safiyyah, radhiya Allahu `anha said : The prophet salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, was making i`tikaf [in the last ten nights of Ramadan], so I came to visit him at night [and his wives were with him and then departed]. I talked with him for a while, then I stood up to leave, [so he said: "Do not hurry for I will accompany you",. He stood along with me to accompany me back -and her dwelling was in the house of Usaamah Ibn Zayd [until when he came to the door of the mosque near the door of Umm Salamah], two men of the Ansaar were passing by, when they saw the Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, they hastened by, so the Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, said : "Be at your ease for she is Safiyyah bintu Huyayy." So they said:" 'SubhanAllah, O Messenger of Allah! [we did not have any doubt about you].' He said: "Indeed Shaytan circulates in the son of Adam just as blood circulates, and I feared that he would insert an evil thought" -or he said : "something - into your hearts" [Bukhari and Muslim, in [] are additional narrations from Abu Dawud] 


2. Combing and cutting one's hair, clipping one's nails, cleaning one's body, wearing nice clothes or wearing perfume are all permissible.
   
   'Aishah reported: "The Prophet was Performing itikaf and he would put his head out through the opening to my room and I would clean [or comb in one narration] his hair. I was menstruating at the time." [al-Bukhari, Muslim, and Abu Dawud]. 


3. The person may go out for some need that he must perform.
   
   Aishah reported: "When the Prophet Performed I`tikaf, he brought his head close to me so I could comb his hair, and he would not enter the house except to fulfill the needs a person has." [al-Bukhari, and Muslim]. 


4. The person may eat, drink, and sleep in the mosque, and he should also keep it clean.

Actions that Nullify the I`tikaf

1. Intentionally leaving the mosque without any need to do so, even if it is for just a short time. In such a case, one would not be staying in the mosque, which is one of the principles of I`tikaf.


2. Abandoning belief in Islam, as this would nullify all acts of worship. If you ascribe a partner to Allah, your work will fail and you will be among the losers. 


3. Losing one's reason due to insanity or drunkenness, or the onset of menstruation or post-childbirth bleeding, all of which disqualifies a person for itikaf. 


4. Sexual intercourse. Allah says [in meaning]: "But do not associate with your wives while you are in seclusion (I`tikaf) in the mosques. Those are Limits (set by) Allah. Approach not nigh thereto. Thus does Allah make clear His Signs to men: that they may learn self-restraint. [al-Baqara; 2:187]

I`tikaf is not restricted to men only, women also can do it :

'Aisha (the wife of the Prophet) reported that the Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, used to practice I`tikaf in the last ten days of Ramadan till he died and then his wives used to practice I`tikaf after him. [Bukhari]

Dear Sister! when reading this do not forget the modesty and the Hijab of the wife of the Prophet (S) that you should observe if you intend to perform I`tikaf.

Last 10 nights of Ramadan are upon us and I am sure all of us are aware of the virtues of these blessed nights. But I am listing some virtues as a reminder to all of us because Allah (swt) says in the Quran: Surah Dhariyat, verse 55: “And remind for verily, the reminding benefits the believers.”

• Etiquette of the prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) in the last 10 nights: abstain from sexual desires, practice itikaaf and even seclude himself from his wives.


• Al-Bukhari and Muslim record from 'Aishah that during the last ten days of Ramadan, the messenger of Allah (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) would wake his wives up during the night and then remain apart from them (that is, being busy in acts of worship).


• A version in Muslim states: "He would strive [to do acts of worship] during the last ten days of Ramadan more than he would at any other time."


• The prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) would fasten his loin cloth (like rolling sleeves up; meaning he would abstain from approaching his wives even at nights) in these last 10 nights.

During this time we are constantly reminded to engage in nafl salaat comprising of long standing at night and increase our recitation of the Quran. But for some of us, this might be a time when we are going through our menstrual cycle (or post-natal bleeding).

Naturally, it is not easy to stay positive at times, especially when we see the world around us rushing to masajids for taraweeh prayers, indulging in ‘itikaaf and reciting the Quran. This might lead us to feeling deprived of the reward of these blessed nights and decrease our spirituality rather than increasing it.

In this article, I hope to highlight some practical ways in which you can make the best of last 10 nights of Ramadan while going through your menstrual cycle (or post-natal bleeding), without feeling “left out”.

First and foremost, realize that our menstrual cycle is part of Allah (swt)’s creation and something that is ordained by Him (swt).

Allah (swt) tells us in the Quran that He has created us in the best of molds (Surah at-Teen, verse 4). We are also told in the Quran that for everything Allah has "appointed a due proportion” (Surah at-Talaq, verse 2-3) and that "for every matter there is an appointed time given" (Surat ar-Rad, ayah 38).

Thus, to complain about it would be to question the Wisdom of Allah (swt), a’uoodubillah.

Some women think it is more virtuous to fast even though they are on their menses. In their ignorance they make this exception in the month of Ramadan. But rather, they need to realize that it is more virtuous for them to comply with the Command of Allah (swt). It is more rewarding for them to do as they are told by Allah (swt) i.e. not pray or fast while they are on their menses.

Also realize that there are many other ways of achieving spirituality while we are on our menses besides salaah, siyaam and itikaaf.

The prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) is reported to have said that, "Dua is the very essence of 'ibadah.” The prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) said, "Allah is in the assistance of [His] servant, as long as the servant aids his brother." He (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) also said, "Whoever feeds a fasting person will have a reward like that of the fasting person, without any reduction in his reward."

Listed below are few suggestions that a muslimah can do while she is not fasting due to menstruation or post-natal bleeding.

Wake up at Fajr time

• Repeat after the fajr adhan
• Make dua between adhan and iqaama
• Make dua for intercession of prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) after the adhan
• Make fajr adhkar:
  
  10 times: “la ilaha ilAllah wahdahu la shareekah la, lahul mulk wa lahul hamd wa huwa ‘ala kulli shay’in qadeer.
  Recite ayat al kursi
  Recite surah Ikhlaas, surah Falaq, surah Nas – 3 times
  Other adhkar found in Fortress of the Muslim


• Say the morning adkhar
• Read an English translation of half-juz of the Quran

Enjoining good: encourage your family to pray Salaat al Duha

The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) called it the salah of the obedient. Reported by Imam Ahmad in his musnad: Abu Hurayrah (radhi Allahu ‘anhu) narrated that the prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) would never miss the salat al-awabeen, which was Salat al Duha.

Duhr time

• Repeat after the duhr adhan
• Make dua between adhan and iqaama
• Make dua for intercession of prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) after the adhan
• Engage in more dhikr and dua

Asr time

• Repeat after the asr adhan
• Make dua between adhan and iqaama
• Make dua for intercession of prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) after the adhan
• Engage in more dhikr and dua
• Read an English translation of half-juz of the Quran

Maghrib time

• Repeat after the maghrib adhan
• Help people break their fast by passing out dates and water
• Make dua between adhan and iqaama
• Make dua for intercession of prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) after the adhan
• Engage in more dhikr and dua

Isha time

• Repeat after the isha adhan
• Make dua between adhan and iqaama
• Make dua for intercession of prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) after the adhan
• Engage in more dhikr and dua
• Have family circle time at home
• Have a male member of the house recite the Quran to the rest of the family followed by tafsir of those ayat

Before sleeping

• Make wudu (this even applies to women with menses)
• Recite surah Mulk
• Ask your spouse for forgiveness before sleeping
• Recite ayat al kursi
• Make dua and dhikr

Other acts that can be done

At the masjids

• Spread salaams at the masjid
• Sponsor iftaars at various masajids if possible
• Volunteer for masjid clean up afterwards
• Babysit during Taraweeh so that the mothers (and everyone else!) can pray with khushu' and concentration
• Make a CD of beautiful Quran recitation and duaas in mp3 and distribute it to people at the masjid

At home

• Have a qiyaam program for other sisters at your house – prepare iftar and suhoor for them
• Look for new converts, those who are newly practicing or people who have lost touch with the community and invite them over for iftar and eid
• Think of eid party ideas/gifts for family, spouse, children, neighbors

In your own time

• Memorize ayat of the Quran – use online resources
• Donate everyday – clothes, money
• Make tawbah and shukr
• Memorize Allah's names and their meanings
• Find out who is sick in your area or in the hospital and go visit them
• Always keep your tongue moist with the dhikr and remembrance of Allah (swt). Say subhanAllah, alhumdulilah, la ilaaha illalha, Allahu akbar and say salaams on the prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) while cooking, cleaning, driving etc. and may Allah make these words heavy on your scaled on the day of judgment.

Source: www.habibihalaqas.org

by Sheikh Salman al-Oadah

The last ten nights of Ramadan are very special. The first of these nights occurs on the eve of the 21st day of Ramadan. In other words, it is the night that commences after the completion of the 20th day of fasting. Sometimes there are only nine nights, whenever the month of Ramadan lasts for only 29 days. Nevertheless, they are still traditionally referred to as "the last ten nights".

The last ten nights of Ramadan are very special. These are the nights that the Prophet (peace be upon him) would spend in constant worship. Among these nights is Laylah al-Qadr – a night more blessed than a thousand months.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) used to single these nights out for worship and the performance of good deeds. He would exert himself in worship during these ten nights more than any other nights of the year.

`Â'ishah tells us: "During the last ten nights of Ramadan, the Prophet (peace be upon him) would tighten his waist belt and spend the night in worship. He would also wake up his family." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1920)]

`Â'ishah also says: "I had never known Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) to read the entire Qur'ân in a single night, or to spend the whole night in prayer up until the morning, or to spend a whole month in fasting – except in Ramadan." [Sunan al-Nasâ'î (1641) and Sunan Ibn Mâjah (1348)]

When we say that the Prophet (peace be upon him) spent the whole night in worship, we should qualify it. This is because he would spend some time eating dinner, partaking of his pre-dawn meal, and other similar activities. However, he would spend most of the night in worship.

Waking Up the Family

`Â'ishah informs us that the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to wake up his family during the last ten nights of Ramadan. Indeed, he used to wake up his wives for prayer throughout the year, but that was so that they could pray for a small fraction of the night.

We know this, because Umm Salamah relates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) woke her up one night and said: "Glory be to Allah. What has been sent down of trials during this night? What has been sent down of treasures, so that the denizens of the bedchambers will be awakened? O Lord! To be clothed in this world by naked in the Hereafter." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1074)]

During the last ten nights of Ramadan, the Prophet (peace be upon him) would wake up his wives to pray for a much longer portion of the night than during the rest of the year.

Exerting Oneself in Worship

`Â'isha tells us: "The Prophet would exert himself in worship during the last ten nights more than at any other time of the year." [Sahîh Muslim (1175)]

The great jurist, al-Shâfi`î declares: "It is Sunnah for one to exert greater efforts in worship during the last ten nights of Ramadan." [al-Majmû` (6/397)]

When `Â'ishah tells us that the Prophet (peace be upon him) would "tighten his waistbelt", she is speaking figuratively. The phrase means to set about to devote oneself fully and wholeheartedly to the task at hand.

Seeking Out Laylah al-Qadr

One of the greatest distinctions of these ten special nights is that one of them is Laylah al-Qadr – the Night of Decree. This is the greatest night of the year – better than a thousand months. This means that a Muslim can earn more rewards on Laylah al-Qadr than he would if – excluding this special night – he were worship his Lord for eighty-four years straight. This is one of the immense favors that Allah has bestowed upon the Muslim community.

Ibrâhîm al-Nakha`î says: "Good works performed on this night are better than those performed consistently for a thousand months."

Abû Hurayrah relates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever spends Laylah al-Qadr in prayer, believing in Allah and seeking His reward, will be forgiven all of his past sins." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1802) and Sahîh Muslim (760)]

Belief in Allah, in this hadîth, means not only to believe in Allah, but to believe in the reward that we are promised for observing prayer on this night.

Laylah al-Qadr is on one of the odd nights. `Â'ishah relates that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "Seek out Laylah al-Qadr in the odd nights during the last ten nights of Ramadan." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1913) and Sahîh Muslim (1169)]

It is most likely one of the last seven odd nights. Ibn `Umar relates that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "Look for it in the last ten nights. If one of you falls weak or unable to do so, then he should at least try on the seven remaining nights." [Sahîh Muslim (1165)]

The most likely candidate for Laylah al-Qadr is the 27th night of Ramadan. This is indicated by the statement of `Ubayy b. Ka`b: “I swear by Allah that I know which night it is. It is the night in which Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) ordered us to observe in prayer. It is the night on the eve of the 27th of Ramadan. Its sign is that the Sun will rise in the morning of that day white without exuding any rays.” [Sahîh Muslim (762)]

A Muslim should seek out this special night by spending the last ten nights of Ramadan engaged in various acts of worship. These include reciting the remembrances of Allah, reading the Qur'ân, and begging Allah's forgiveness.

It is best for us to strive hard on all ten nights, because the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: The way we "look for" Laylah al-Qadr is by engaging in extra worship.

When the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Look for it in the last ten nights" he did not mean that we should literally "look for" signs and indications that distinguish Laylah al-Qadr from other nights. The things that distinguish Laylah al-Qadr from other nights are part of the Unseen.

Allah says: " Surely We revealed it on a blessed night. Surely We ever wish to warn (against evil) – On this night, every wise matter is made distinct." [Sûrah al-Dukhân (3-4)]

Allah says: "Laylah al-Qadr is better than a thousand months. The angels and the Spirit descend therein, by the permission of their Lord, with every decree. (This night is) peace, until the rising of the dawn." [Sûrah al-Qadr (3-5)]

These are the ways in which Laylah al-Qadr is special. They are not things that we can see with our eyes. No one after the Prophet (peace be upon him) can see the angels.

Observing a Retreat in the Mosque (I`tikâf)

Observing a retreat in the mosque is of the best things we can do during the last ten nights of Ramadan. `Â'ishah tells us: "The Prophet (peace be upon him) used to observe a retreat in the mosque during the last ten nights of Ramadan up until he died. His wives continued to observe this practice after his death." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1922) and Sahîh Musli (1172)]

The practice of i`tikâf is a strongly recommended act. It is defined as remaining in retreat in the mosque for the express purpose of worship. The purpose of doing so is to devote one's heart exclusively to Allah. The person engaging in i`tikâf keeps this intention close to mind and seeks Allah's blessings. He should not forget the reason why he is observing this retreat.

A person observing i`tikâf does not leave the mosque except for what is absolutely necessary (like going to the bathroom). While in the mosque, he should busy himself with the remembrance of Allah. He should make sure to offer the remembrances of the morning and evening and the prescribed remembrances for the five daily prayers. He should perform all of the Sunnah prayers and all other recommended prayers, like the Duhâ prayer. He should read as much of the Qur'ân as he can.

He should spend less time eating and sleep as little as possible. He should avoid unnecessary talk. However, he should engage in advising his fellow Muslims and in enjoining them to truth and to patience.

Generosity

It is encouraged for us to be extra generous during the last ten nights of Ramadan, without being extravagant or ostentatious in our giving. Ibn `Abbâs relates that: "Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) was the most generous of all people in doing good, and he was at his most generous during the month of Ramadan. Gabriel used to meet with him every year throughout the month of Ramadan, so the Prophet could recite the Qur'ân to him. Whenever Gabriel met with him, he became more generous than a beneficial breeze." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1902) and Sahîh Muslim (2308)]

Al-Nawawî states [al-Majmû` (6/398)]:

Generosity and open-handedness are strongly encouraged in Ramadan, especially during the last ten nights. By doing so, we emulate the example of Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) as well as of our Pious Predecessors. Also, this month is noble, and good works carried out in this month are more blessed than they are at any other time. Also, during this month, people are preoccupied with fasting and worship, and this distracts them from their livelihood, so they might need some assistance during this time.

Source: www.missionislam.com

By Muhammed alShareef

Hasn't there come upon man a period of time when they were nothing remembered (Al-Insaan 76/1).

Imagine that you are four years old and on the beach. The camp leader has told you that you have five minutes to build a great castle. "Quickly," your three-year-old Ameer tells you, "the sand here is too soft. Run closer to the water and get better sand!"

Off you run and grab, with your tiny hands, as much sand as you can hold. But, as you run back, plop, plop, plop, you feel the sand slipping through your fingers and you can do nothing about it. In your haste, all the sand has slipped away. Bang. The competition is over. This is the analogy of our lives; this is the analogy of our time in Ramadan.

For many living in western countries, Ramadan is passed daily with 9 to 5 jobs or school, nights where we may or may not go for taraweeh, a peak at the TV (may Allah protect us), and the night is over. Then, back to work where people everywhere are eating and drinking from crystal water fountains. Blink. Ramadan is over.

The question of the hour is – how do we take full advantage of this gift of Allah? This is our topic – before the sands of Ramadan slip away.

How many years have we been fasting Ramadan? Ten, 15 or 40 years? Are we 10, 15 or 40 times better? Or, does it seem like we have arrived back at the drawing board every time Ramadan comes around? All acts of worship are for our own benefit! If we don’t do it, harm befalls us, which is the way life was programmed.

Ramadan is no small matter. It is one of the pillars of this deen (Islam) and without it one's Islam would not be complete. In this month, RasulAllah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam would intensify his worship of Allah ta'aala. In doing so, he laid the foundation for his ummah after him to emulate.

Ibn Al Qayyim rahimahu Allah wrote: "From his, sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam’s, blessed guidance in Ramadan, is that he used to intensify and diversify his actions of worship. So, for example, Jibreel used to rehearse the Qur'an with him during the nights of Ramadan. When Jibreel would visit him, he would intensify the amount of sadaqah that he would give. He, sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam was the most generous out of all people and Ramadan was the time when he was most generous. In Ramadan, he would fill his time with sadaqah, treating people kindly, reciting Qur'an, performing salah, remembering Allah, and performing itikaaf" (Zaad Al Ma'aad).

Observers described the way Allah's Messenger sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam gave like ar-reeh al-mursalah – like the blessed wind. Why? The blessed wind, as they knew it, was a wind that brought coolness to everyone – no one was denied its blessing. Additionally, the blessed wind was not lazy in bringing its goodness to the people; it would come swiftly to all. This is how RasulAllah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam was described, and this is how our service to humanity should be – swift and encompassing. Bi idhnillah.

Below are 10 ideas to help make the most of Ramadan, before it slips through our hands.

Idea #1: Compound Your Siyaam!

If you told your financial broker that you just want to keep money in the bank and save it, he would say, "You are wrong. Invest it in the stock market so your money will be compounded. You will earn multiple times what you put in." So now I ask the question: Wouldn't you love to get two times the reward of fasting Ramadan? How does that sound?

Zayd ibn Khaalid AlJuhanee narrates that the Prophet sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam said:

"Whoever gives a fasting person (food) to break his or her fast, he (the one providing the food) will get the reward equivalent to the (fasting person’s) reward, without diminishing anything from the reward of the (fasting person)."

How do we do this? Ask any Muslim relief agency if they have a 'feed a fasting person' program. Subhan Allah, you may find that it only costs $1 to feed a person! So, for $30 you could come out of Ramadan having doubled your reward.

And, we should not forget the needy in our city. We think that in a 'modern' western country or city there are no needy people. This is far from the truth. There are many needy families that are waiting to be discovered. Ask around and you will find a gold mine of people to help in your own backyard.

I speak about Washington, DC. If one was to have a food drive, all the food could go to needy Muslim families in DC and still not be enough! I've seen this with my own eyes. How blessed it would be to get the youth that just hang out in the back of the masjid during taraweeh to take on this task. They could organize the collection of the food and distribute it. It can happen! All it takes is a leader with vision to set this up for the youth, and all the good people who want to make a difference.

Idea #2: Operation Guide the Youth

Often in Ramadan there are khaatirahs, words of wisdom, halaqahs and reminders, all geared to the adults praying taraweeh. The youth it seems are being disrespectful by talking in the back of the masjid.

"Shhhhhsh!" someone shouts at them. "Listen or go outside (and we prefer if you just go outside)!" So, quietly they sneak out of the masjid and chat and chill all Ramadan. How eman boosting is that? Remember, Allah commands that you protect your wife and children.

Try this: Just like there are things for the adults, we could have Ramadan activities and reminders geared specifically for the youth. And, it need not be in the masjid. Let's say the youth like to chat and chill outside in the parking lot. Why not organize the activity there? Perhaps it could be on the basketball court or in the parking lot. Have a 5 minute khatirah, play games with them, and give them some noble projects to complete in Ramadan.

Again, making a difference like this needs a leader with a vision, one who recognizes that the youth are his or her responsibility. I pray that person is you!

Idea #3: TV Turnoff Month

Every parent knows that when they want their child to do well in their studies they tell them, "No TV!" If this is what we do for the dunya then how about someone who wants to excel in Ramadan?

"Fasting and the Qur'an will come and testify on behalf of the 'abd on the Day of Resurrection. The Fasting will say, 'O my lord, I denied him food and desires, so allow me to be a means for him to enter Paradise.' And the Qur’an will say, 'O my Lord, I denied him sleep at night so allow me to be a means for him to enter Paradise.' And (he will be entered into Paradise) because of those two"(Musnad Ahmad).

Try this: Announce in your household that Ramadan is the official TV Turnoff Month. Be an example for others and do fun and rewarding things instead. Visit people, take on a Ramadan feeding project, increase yourself in knowledge, etc. Turn off the TV and turn on life!

Idea #4: Dua' Time

Ramadan is the month of making du'a to Allah, an essential compliment to fasting. RasulAllah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam said:

"There are three persons' du'a that will be accepted (by Allah). The fasting person, the oppressed one, and the traveler."

Try this: Make a list of all your goals in life. Make a section for your (a) personal goals (b) spiritual goals (c) economic goals and (d) contribution goals. Everyday during Ramadan, take out your list and make du'a to Allah to grant you the tawfeeq to accomplish your goals. In sha Allah, you will attain your goals with hard work, both during and after Ramadan.

Idea #5: Parent Appreciation Month

We all know that the one who wakes us up for suhoor is our mom. I know that was true for me in my house growing up. If it wasn’t for her alarm clock, her early morning cooking, her motherly love to go and wake everyone up, our iftars would have become our suhoors. If you are living away from your parents, you know what I'm talking about.

Remember the hadith of the person who doesn't reach Ramadan with forgiveness? The end part of the hadith says they found their parents in old age and they were not a means for him to enter Jannah!

So why not announce it loud and clear this month, "Thank you, Mom! Thank you, Dad!" Let's take care of them this month with extra calls, extra hugs, and extra love.

Idea #6: Masjid Power Hour

During Ramadan, why not spend a few more moments in the masjid before taking off. This could be done after Fajr or Asr. Sit back, grab a Qur'an and remember Allah. As your time in the masjid increases, bi idhnillaah, your love and heart attachment will increase as well. Make this your personal masjid power hour.

Idea #7: Bad Habit Buster

Some people may have a smoking problem or a TV addiction. When Ramadan comes around, many of them say, "I'm going to train myself to stop smoking or to stop watching excessive TV by abandoning it throughout Ramadan."

So you don't have a smoking problem huh? Well everyone has some bad habit and everyone has some recurring sin they pray they could desist from. Make Ramadan the training month by telling yourself to go without this sin for the entire month. Then, if Allah grants you tawfeeq to complete the month, you should continue to pray to Allah to keep you away from the sin after Ramadan.

Idea #8: The Gift Groove

Have you ever noticed how beloved a bottle of perfume is when it is handed out by a little four-year-old Muslim? Everyone loves a gift.

Why not take this a step forward? Go to your local Islamic bookstore and request a bulk purchase of some beneficial Islamic materials – something in the $1 range. Then, hand it out to everyone that comes to your masjid. Bi idhnillaah, you will find for the little effort you put, people throughout Ramadan will be learning from that gift.

Idea #9: Ramadan Muslims Convert!

It is true that on the first day of Ramadan, a considerable amount of Muslims multiply in the masjid. It is also a sad moment on the first day after Ramadan, that the masjid attendance drops significantly. This idea is Operation No More Ramadan Muslims. We want people all year long!

A man came to Ibn Abbas while he was doing i'tikaaf in the masjid and asked him for his assistance. Ibn Abbas stood to leave with the man and people around him warned, "But you are in i'tikaaf." He replied, "To assist my brother in fulfilling his need is more beloved to me than to perform i'tikaaf for 2 months in The Masjid of RasulAllah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam."

Try this: Make a 'compassion crew' that reaches out specifically to Ramadan Muslims. Extra special attention is showered on them and roles of responsibility are delegated to them so that they can participate more in the masjid. Invite them to special iftars where they are the center of attention. With this extra attention and responsibility, bi idhnillaah, every month will be Ramadan for them, and the masajid will be full all year.

Idea #10: Home Halaqah

Muslim families often keep their worship for the masjid, so why not make Muslim family time at home. It could work like this: After taraweeh or Asr, the family gathers together for 15 minutes. There are many things you could do in your halaqah, however, the main point is that you set time aside for it.

For example, each family member may recite a few verses of Qur'an. Or, one of the kids can read a story of the Sahaabaa so that all family members can be reminded. Or, each family member can speak about the blessings of Allah upon them and what they have in their lives for which they are thankful. Just 15 minutes for the home halaqah. For the entire family, bi idhnillaah, it will be a spring of eman.

To review, the 10 ideas to enhance your Ramadan are:

Idea #1: Compound Your Siyaam!
Idea #2: Operation Guide the Youth
Idea #3: Turnoff TV Month
Idea #4: Du'a Time
Idea #5: Parent Appreciation Month
Idea #6: Masjid Power Hour
Idea #7: Bad Habit Buster
Idea #8: The Gift Groove
Idea #9: Ramadan Muslims, Convert!
Idea #10: Home Halaqah

The past saw Muslims that spent their nights of Ramadan awake praying to Allah. It saw days where people, for the sake of Allah, went thirsty. They knew that this season may never return on them and they heard Allah's words "Ayyaman Ma'doodaat (a limited number of days)." Don't let the sand of Ramadan slip away.

Praise be to Allah.

It is one of the blessings of Allah to the Muslim that He enables him to fast in Ramadan and to spend its nights in prayer. It is a month in which good deeds are multiplied and people are raised in status, when Allah frees some people from the Fire. So the Muslim should strive to make the most of this month and the goodness it brings; he should hasten to spend his life in worship. How many people have been deprived of this month because of sickness, death or misguidance.

The Muslim must make the most of his time during this month; he has an unavoidable duty towards his children, to raise them well and bring them up properly, to urge them to do all kinds of goodness and make them get used to that – because the child will grow up in the manner to which his father makes him get accustomed.

During these blessed days, the father and mother have a role to play in making the most of this time, and we can offer parents the following advice:

1 – Checking on the children’s fasting and encouraging those who fall short in this regard.

2– Reminding them about the real nature of fasting, and that it is not just giving up food and drink, but it is a means of attaining taqwa (piety), and that it is an opportunity for sins to be forgiven and expiated.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ascended the minbar and said: “Ameen, Ameen, Ameen.” It was said to him, “O Messenger of Allaah, why did you do that?” He said, “Jibreel said to me, ‘May Allaah rub his nose in the dust, that person who Ramadaan comes and his sins are not forgiven,’ and I said, ‘Ameen’. Then he said, ‘May Allaah rub his nose in the dust, that person who lives to see his parents grow old, one or both of them, but he does not enter Paradise,’ and I said, ‘Ameen’. Then he said, ‘May Allaah rub his nose in the dust, that person in whose presence you are mentioned and he does not send blessings upon you,’ and I said, ‘Ameen.’”

Narrated by Ibn Khuzaymah, 1888; al-Tirmidhi, 3545; Ahmad, 7444; Ibn Hibbaan, 908. See Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3501.

3 – Teaching them the etiquette and rulings on eating, such as eating with the right hand from what is directly in front of them; reminding them that extravagance is haraam and is harmful to the body.

4 – Not letting them spend too long on eating iftaar so that they miss praying Maghrib in congregation.

5 – Reminding them about the situation of the poor and destitute who cannot find even a mouthful of food to quench the fires of hunger; reminding them of the situation of those who have migrated or are fighting in jihad for the sake of Allaah in all places.

6 – These gatherings offer an opportunity to bring relatives together and uphold the ties of kinship. This custom still exists in some countries, and it is an opportunity to reconcile and mend broken ties between relatives.

7 – Helping the mother to prepare the food, and to clean up and keep the food fit for eating.

8 – Reminding them to pray qiyaam (taraweeh) and to prepare for it by not eating too much and to get ready in time to perform the prayer in the mosque.

9 – With regard to suhoor, the parents should remind the family of the barakah (blessing) of suhoor and that it gives a person the strength to fast.

10 – Allowing enough time before Fajr prayer so that those who have not prayed Witr may do so, and so that those who have delayed their prayer until the end of the night may pray, and so that each person may make du’aa’ to his Lord as he wishes.

11 – Paying attention to praying Fajr on time in congregation in the mosque, for those who are required to do so. We have seen many people who wake up at the end of the night to eat, then they go back to bed and neglect Fajr prayer.

12 – It was the practice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in the last ten days of Ramadaan to stay up at night and wake his family. This indicates that the family should pay attention to making the most of this blessed time in doing things that are pleasing to Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted. So the husband should wake his wife and children to do that which will bring them closer to their Lord.

13 – There may be small children in the house who need to be encouraged to fast, so the father should urge them to get up for suhoor, and encourage them to fast by praising them and giving a reward to the one who fasts the whole month or half of it, and so on.

It was narrated that al-Rubayyi’ bint Mu’awwidh said: On the morning of ‘Ashoora’ the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent word to the villages of the Ansaar saying, “Whoever started out not fasting, let him not eat for the rest of the day, and whoever started the day fasting, let him fast.” She said: We used to fast and make our children fast, [and take them to the mosques] and make toys for them out of wool, then if one of them cried for food we would give him that toy until iftaar.

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1859; Muslim, 1136 – the words in square brackets were narrated by Muslim.

Al-Nawawi said:

This hadeeth shows that we should train children to do acts of worship and get them used to that, but they are not accountable.

Al-Qaadi said: It was narrated from ‘Urwah that when they are able to fast it becomes obligatory upon them. This is a mistake which is disproven by the saheeh hadeeth, “The Pen is lifted from three: from the child until he reaches adolescence…” And Allaah knows best.

Sharh Muslim, 8/14

14 – If possible, the father and mother should take the family for ‘Umrah in Ramadaan, and that is something that will benefit them in the Hereafter,, themselves and their family, for ‘Umrah during Ramadaan has the same reward as Hajj. It is better to go at the beginning of Ramadaan so as to avoid the crowds.

15 – The husband should not overburden his wife with more than she can bear of having to prepare food and sweets. Many people take this month to prepare fancy foods and drinks, and they go extremes in that. This detracts from the sweetness of this month and goes against the reason for fasting, which is to attain piety.

16 – The month of Ramadaan is the month of the Qur’aan, so we suggest that each family gets together to read Qur’aan. The father should teach his family to recite Qur’aan and help them to understand the meanings of the verses. In the same gathering they may also read a book about the rulings and etiquette of fasting. Allaah has enabled many scholars and seekers of knowledge to write books which can be used for preaching and teaching during Ramadaan; the books are divided into thirty parts, so one topic can be read each day, and this will benefit everyone.

17 – They should be encouraged to spend and check on their neighbours and the needy.

It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was the most generous of people, and he was at his most generous during Ramadaan when Jibreel met him. He would meet him each night and revise the Qur’aan with him. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was more generous than the blowing wind.

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6; Muslim, 2308.

18 – The parents should prevent their families and children from staying up late at night and wasting their time in things that are of no benefit, let alone things that are haraam. For the devils among mankind are more active in this month in promoting evil things and acts of immorality to those who are fasting, during the nights of Ramadaan and during the days.

19 – They should remember the family’s meeting in Allaah’s Paradise in the Hereafter, and the great joy of meeting there under the shade of His throne. These blessed gatherings in this world and coming together to obey Allaah by seeking knowledge, fasting and praying are only the means that lead to attaining that happiness.

Source: www.sisters.islamway.com

Children (who did not reach puberty) are not commanded to fast. However, their parents or guardians are strongly recommended to encourage them to fast few days so that they get used to it and they grow up knowing of the worship of fasting as they would know that of praying. In fact this was the practice of the first women of Islam who were living around the Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam.

An example of that is ar-Rubayya' bint Mu'awiyyah who reported that: "The Messenger of Allah,salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, sent a man on the morning of the day of 'Ashurah, to the residences of the Ansar, saying: 'Whoever has spent the morning fasting is to complete his fast. Whoever has not spent this morning fasting should voluntary fast for the remainder of the day.' We fasted after that announcement, as did our young children. We would go to the mosque and make toys stuffed with cotton for them to play with. If one of them started crying due to hunger, we would give them a toy to play with until it was time to eat." [al-Bukhari and Muslim.]

Dear sisters and brothers remember that among the seven that Allah will shade under His shade on the Day of Judgment is a young man who grew up in the worship of Allah. Therefore let your children be one of these.

There are many ways to educate your children about Ramadan, the best and most important of which is to set the good example by fasting properly and behaving according to the Prophetic teachings. This is what your children will take from you first. When you are fulfilling this you can very easily [and they will accept it and practice it easily as well] teach them what you want. Here are few tips that you can use with your children [you can think of others as well]:

1. Depending on their age encourage them to fast a number of days upto every other day or more for those who are almost at the age of puberty. For those who are still young let them fast a day or two and praise them in front of friends and relatives for their achievement.
2. Let your children go with their father to the Masjid for Maghrib prayer and break the fast with the larger Muslim community to make them feel the greatness of fasting and the unity of Muslims in worshipping Allah.
3. If your children cannot fast let them eat with you at the time of Maghrib and teach them that you are breaking the fast even if they ate before.
4. Teach your children the supplication of breaking the fast
5. Take your children to the Taraweeh prayer so that they get used it and know about it from their early age. They may sit or stay in the back of the prayer room if they get tired.
6. Teach them to give charity. Do it in front of them and tell them you are doing it because the reward increases in Ramadan.
7. Teach them to recite Qur'an regularly and inform them that the Prophet (S) used to do that in Ramadan.
8. Correct them if they behave wrongly or say unacceptable words and remind them that they are fasting ot they are in Ramadan and this may alter their reward.
9. Wake them up for Suhoor [even if they don't fast] and Fajr prayer.
10. Teach them to feed the people fasting and tell them about the reward for that.
11. Dress them in the best clothes, give them a bath and take them with you to the Eid Prayer. Teach them that this is our feast and celebration and that christmas, easter, thanksgiving and other holidays are not ours. Stress the distinction.

It has been narrated on the authority of Ibn 'Umar that the Prophet (May be upon him) said: Beware. every one of you is a shepherd and every one is answerable with regard to his flock. The Caliph is a shepherd over the people and shall be questioned about his subjects (as to how he conducted their affairs). A man is a guardian over the members of his family and shall be questioned about them (as to how he looked after their physical and moral well-being). A woman is a guardian over the household of her husband and his children and shall be questioned about them (as to how she managed the household and brought up the children). A slave is a guardian over the property of his master and shall be questioned about it (as to how he safeguarded his trust). Beware, every one of you is a guardian and every one of you shall be questioned with regard to his trust.  (Muslim)

Source: Email

Praying at home or the masjid, and then sneaking out to party at a nightclub. Wearing hijaab around family, and then turning into a fashion diva at school.One person, two worlds, and a desperate struggle to juggle them both.
 
This is the reality which many Muslim youth in the West are living in. We can call them "cultural chameleons," or describe them as having"split personalities." Whatever the label, the situation is the same… with often tragic consequences. We are not just referring to your community brother or sister's devastating death, but rather we refer to the many grievous examples of teens running away from home, getting into drugs, and much more -the worst of which is turning away totally from Islam, rejecting it completely. We are not exaggerating. It's a reality, and those who deny it are either willfully blind or pitifully naive.
 
It is time that we addressed the situation seriously. First there must be awareness of the reality and knowledge of its causes. The next step is to know what to do when faced with it directly (hint: it does NOT involve killing anyone). And finally, we need to know how to nip the problem in the bud - an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.
 
Causes
 
Although each situation is different, there is a general list of what can cause this worst nightmare of any Muslim parent.

    * Lack of strong Islamic foundation in the home. As with most things, it begins in your own backyard. If you aren't raising your children as Muslims with a strong understanding of what it means to be a Muslim, then you can't expect them to be happy about having to follow strict rules all the time. It's also important to note the difference between Islam and culture. If you don't pray five times a day, or encourage your kids to pray, yet freak out if a female family member walks out with her head uncovered, then you really need to straighten out your priorities.

    * Double standards. Related to the first point, here we're talking about when parents are setting a double standard for themselves and their children: in public they seek to ingratiate themselves within Western society, to achieve the Western societies dream of big house, fancy car, and being best friends with the Joneses next door; yet at home they are obsessed with their children following cultural practices that aren't even necessarily Islamic. It should be no surprise, then, when the children follow in their parents' footsteps and start living a double life themselves.

    * Lack of personal understanding/ conviction of Islam. This is another major factor in youth straying from Islam. Again related to the first point - if you don't have a strong Islamic foundation in the home, then there will be most likely a lack of understanding of what exactly it means to be a Muslim. If you don't know the reason behind something, how likely are you to do something if you view it as restrictive and interfering? If you tell your children to pray because if they don't they'll burn in Hell, then trust me, they won't be doing it out of love for Allah - they'll be doing it out fear… and not even fear of Allah, but fear of you. Similarly, if you tell a girl she has to wear hijaab because otherwise she'll "stain the family's honour" or some-such rubbish like that, then once she's exposed to the Western mentality of freedom (and total lack of anything resembling honour) she won't give two hoots about the hijaab or your notions of honour. On the other hand, if your child has a personal relationship with Allah and knows exactly why we do some things and stay away from others, they will be far more willing to tough it out and continue to obey Allah.

    * General teen rebellion. Sometimes, teens can just be idiots. Common sense is a rare thing amongst youth these days, and it shows… sadly, some take it too far - beyond the streaked hair and pierced bellybutton (hey, as long as it's covered up by hijaab, be cool with it!) - and make some really bad choices. The Messenger of Allah[pbuh] said: "Youth is a kind of madness"[Hadith].Being intoxicated by the passions of youth we never ponder for a moment that we shall we questioned by Allah.

    * Insecurity. This is something which affects people everywhere, regardless of their race, religion, or even age. The desire to want to "fit in" and become an accepted member of the crowd is human nature - sometimes it can be a good thing; other times it can be so harmful and detrimental. For girls, the issue is often about body image and beauty, which is why hijaab becomes such a struggle. For guys, it can be about proving their "manliness" (by pursuing other girls, or getting involved in 'tough guy' activities like drinking alcohol, drugs etc.). Build your child's self-esteem at home and let them know that they don't need to seek approval from anyone except Allah. Compliment your children, praise them, let them be confident in their faith and in themselves. Tell your son that he's cool. Tell your daughter that she's beautiful. Don't demean them or belittle them; honour them as the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) honoured his daughter Fatimah (radhiAllahu 'anha) by giving her his sitting place.

    * Bad companions. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said: "The example of a good companion and a bad one is the bearer of musk and the worker on the bellows. A bearer of musk would give you some, you might buy some from him, or you might enjoy the fragrance of his musk. The worker on the bellows, on the other hand, might spoil your clothes with sparks from his bellows, or you get a bad smell from him." (Hadith-Al-Bukhari and Muslim).Undoubtedly, the kind of people your kids hang out with will have a huge influence on them - especially at school, which is what a teen's life pretty much revolves around. Non-Muslims (and even so-called "Muslims") who have totally different standards morality-wise will definitely make life difficult for your kid: challenging Islam and belittling all that it stands for. While we know that many will say it's a great Da'wah opportunity, or that it builds character and can be a way to strengthen emaan, the reality is that not all youth are strong enough to emerge the company of such people unscathed. Sadly, we have lost too many of the younger generations to Shaytaan's misguided lifestyle, and we can't use a minority of successful young Muslims to deny that reality. The Messenger ofAllah[obuh]informed us that: "A man follows his friends religion, you should be careful whom you make friends with."[Hadith Abu Dawud/Tirmidhi]

    * The "Adolescent" Myth. This mentality is one of "I'm young, let me have fun and then I'll be religious when I'm older!" It's an attitude of irresponsibility, immaturity, and misunderstanding of Islam and the purpose of our lives. By absolving oneself of responsibility, it's easier for teens to indulge in the haraamwithout feeling so guilty about it. Thus, it's obviously very important to instill a sense of responsibility and dutifulness to Allah in our youth - basically, to abolish this kind of mentality. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said: " An intelligent person is the one who calls himself to account and and does deeds to benefit him after death and a foolish person is he who follows his desires and hopes from Allah"[Hadith-Tirmidhi]

 Symptoms
 
How do you know if your child, your sibling, or your friend is a "cultural chameleon"? It can be difficult to spot it, but however much a kid can try to sneak around, those closest to them can usually figure out what's going on. Here are some of the symptoms of the double-life syndrome.

    * Change of attitude - Increased rebellion, aggression, and disrespect are major red flags. If they're behaving like that towards you, do you think they won't behave like that towards Allah? In fact, if they are acting like that with you, then already they're showing their defiance of Allah! Taqwa and good behaviour to parents go hand-in-hand: "And your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to your parents." (Quran-Surah al-Israa, verse 23)

    * Shows dislike of Islamic practices ("Yuck, hijaab is so old-fashioned," "What's the point of praying? It's stupid!" etc.) This is particularly obvious in a household that is generally religious, or has more than just a tentative connection to the Deen.

    * Secretive, sneaky. It's important for parents to keep an eye on their kids and know where they are and what they're doing. If you notice that your child is being secretive, sneaky, and generally deceptive about their activities, then it's a major red flag that your son or daughter isn't doing the right thing. This goes for pretty much all families, Muslim and non-Muslim alike, but for us Muslims it means more than just that your kid is with bad company or doing bad things: it means that they're losing their connection to Allah and to Islam, and this in itself is far worse than whatever sinful activities they're engaged in.

Solutions

An ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure. Educate your child from a young age, build a strong (but loving) Islamic environment within the home. Make them aware of their identity as Muslims, emphasize pride in their Muslim identity. However, we can't say that prevention is the only thing that we can do - the reality is that even children who were raised in a strong Islamic environment can be "lost" in the Dunya… and this is the reality we have to deal with, not deny.

Having said that, here are some practical solutions on dealing with such situations.

    * Do not react angrily or violently. If you find out your kid is lying to you and is leading a double life, do NOT freak out at them, scream at them, hit them, etc.
      This will :
      1) scare them,
      2) reinforce their belief that "Islam/ Muslims are evil/ violent", and
      3) not be productive in any way, shape, or form.

    * Take some time to cool off after you find out. Pray anaafilah (voluntary salaah), and make lots of dua i.e. ask Allah to grant you the patience and strength to deal with the situation.

    * Talk to them. Ask them what has led them to do the things they've done, what their state of belief is (cases differ drastically: some teens still have emaan and are just confused; others go to the point where they deny Islam completely), and how they feel about their situation in general. Try not to judge them; the key is to listen to them and know where they're coming from. This will give you information on how to best approach them when the time comes to try and "fix" things.

    * Serious counselling may be needed. If you feel as though you are unable to deal with the situation correctly yourself, contact a trustworthy, knowledgeable, and understanding

Imam,Moulana or Shaykh in your area (or use the Muslim Youth Helpline). It's best to have someone involved who not only knows the Islamic perspective of things, but can also relate to and understand your child. There must be someone whom your child can feel comfortable enough to work with/ talk to if they don't feel they can open up to you (the parents).

In this stage, there has to be a lot of give-and-take, questions-and-answers. If you already had a long talk with your child previously and asked them all those questions, then now is the time to bring forth your feelings. If you haven't had the talk, then now is the time to initiate it.

Counselling is a long and sometimes painful process, and only one step forward towards healing. One cannot expect things to change overnight, and it will be very difficult - all I can say is, trust in Allah and look to the Sunnah for help. Have emaan, taqwa, and lots of patience and forbearance. Constantly turn to Allah in du'a, especially the last third of the night. Indeed, this is something that should be done at all times… it is a means of prevention, as well as part of the path to the cure.

Allah Most Wise and Most Merciful says:

"No one despairs of solace from Allah except for those who are unbelievers"[Quran12:87]

Source: Received as an Email

By Umm Hibathain

Bismillahi Ar-Rahmani Ar-Raheem

Alhamdulillah, this New Year's weekend, we were able to invest our time in a very beneficial vacation. We drove to Sacramento for a conference and the theme was the title you see above. The Youth of our Ummah is our kids. As parents, one can never read or learn enough about parenting, its challenges, responsibilities, how one should tackle problems, what are the problems of today etc....A parent is always yearning to hear new techniques, methods and tips subhanAllah...And this is because of many reasons:

1. You love your kids to death. You want the best for them always. You want the best for them in this duniya, and if you yourself firmly believe in the aakhirah and its eternity, you want the best for them in the aakhirah too.

2. A muslim parent think of this blessing (the blessing of having a child to invest into) as a trust from Allah. And as with anything that has been entrusted, you want to make sure you keep it safe, protect it from external harm.

3. Having a righteous child who will make dua for you, is one of the three things mentioned in the hadeeth An-Nabiyyu Sallallahu alaihiwassalam, that the reward of which will continue to culminate. I see it as a kind of selfishness on the parent's part for wanting to have a righteous child- the greed for continuous reward.

Some pointers on how we can do our best in ensuring our kids will be on the straight path- the path that Allah wants us to tread on:

1. Proper Communication with them:

Usually, when we talk about good communication skills, we think of the best manner to convey your message, having eye contact while you speak, using the language that is easy to understand. Well, you do not have proper communication skills even if you master the art of speech till you have also mastered the art of listening. Being a good listener needs much more training than being a good speaker. And some of the elements needed are lot of patience, a sincere interest in the other person and controlling your inner force that tells you "You have to make your point". As Sheikh Yasser Fazzaqa (Hafidhahullah) said, the person is more important than the point.

Listen to your child. Only through listening will you know your child. If we do not listen to them whne they are really young, you will not be able to hear them as they enter their teens. Its going to be too late and will leave you to fret over "I cannot understand my 15 year old." Your child must be given the freedom of conveying her feelings, emotions and discussing everything that happens in his/her life.

Also, to bring them up to be a listener of what you, as a parent, say to them, you have to teach them to listen. And the only way to teach them that is by practising it yourself inshAllah.

2. Mutual respect:

Well, the goal is for them to respect you since you are the parent. But again, the best way to teach how to respect is by respecting them (and hence, the mutual respect). Respect their feelings, their visions; let them have a say in family matters especially if it is concerning them. Give them a choice, allow them to choose from within their limits.

There is one aspect of respect which can become fear of the parent. This is dangerous, and it can lead them to become liers and hypocrites. This is a scary line for myself to draw. But if parents could always remember not to be imposing or dictating, it could help inshAllah. "Because I said so" should not be the reason for their obedience. Rather there is a higher ultimate reason- it is not good for you, Allah loves for you to do that/avoid that and Allah's Magnificient promise of reward.

3. You are what your friends are:

Man, in general, is impressionable- let alone kids. We get influenced by the people we hang out with. And we always want to belong to a niche. A group where we feel comfortable and cozy at. Especially for our young ones, they sometimes feel more at home- not at home, but with their peer group. They have a lot in common. With this in mind, we need to:

a. Be a friend for them.

Lower yourself to them, where they feel comfortable establishing a friendship with you (ofcourse while being a matured parent too) Try to be in their shoes.

b. Make sure you connect them with kids whose parents share your values too.

c. Just like how "Home Sweet Home", let "Masjid Sweet Masjid" be too- because thats where they meet nice people.   

Let trips to the Masjid be a way to reward your children when they have behaved well. There are many reasons for this to be a rewarding experience: Khalas and Ammus (Aunties) say "MashAllah, you look cute/ you are so good" etc. The Imam/ Sheikh/random people giving the child candies, lollipops (which I am starting to have a problem with). Alhamdulillah, our masjid has a nice cafeteria, a playground and it would be nice for all community builders to have structures like these built in the Islamic Center/ adjoining the masjid. (Youth rooms where they can chill, relax, read, hang out with halal friends, maybe play some halal video games etc. is another luring attraction for the youth)

Dont decide on one fine day that you need to take your child to the masjid because lately he/she is not being good, and so he needs some discipline, and so "Baba is taking you to masjid". This would sound like a punishment.

Masjid should be a frequent thing if not everyday.

Masjid should not be a rare thing like Sunday school.

4. And Sunday school is not what our beautiful deen is:

There are these 2 kids I love a lot (and my heart goes out to them). I pray that Allah increases them in their knowledge and deen, and make them a positive influence for their families and their community. So they go for Sunday school and they experience the beauty and purity of our Deen alhamdulillah. They love what they learn there. They love to try out and practise what they learn there. It makes them feel good about themselves, they feel happy when they think about pleasing Allah.

At home, its different. SubhanAllah! Their parents mashAllah give a lot of consideration in providing them with the best provisions, enrolling them in programmes that will develope their personality and can be added to their list of achievements for this Dunya. But when it comes to Deen, its a "Sunday school" thing.

Islam is too beautiful and perfect to implement only when needed. Islam is a complete way of life. Islam is the way that will beautify one's aakhirah too.

5. Which made me remember: Avoid contradictions- between what they are taught and they see in their role models- The Parents

When they see contradictions, they reduce deen to a text book science. It even promotes a hypocritic nature.

For example: They are taught the importance of Salah. And they notice the parents go to sleep before praying Isha.

6. Educate them about the challenges they will face according to their age.

Exposing them to the challenge is a risky way to teach, in my opinion. But if they are not exposed, they won't know. Or they will come to know from the very same people we do not want to hear from/ learn from. So we need to educate them in the best possible manner according to their age.

For example: Drug Abuse and addiction is fast spreading to very young kids, even to 8 year olds. So, dont hesitate to educate them about it.

Talk to them about Gender Relations, Alcohol, Music- their bad effects and how Allah has made harmful things haram for us.

Educate them that Allah wants only good for us, and He wants to protect us from harm, and that is why Islam has rules, obligations and laws which we need to follow for safguarding ourselves.

These are just some points I wanted to talk about, but in conclusion we should also remember that Allah Azza Wajal commanded us to save ourselves first and then He Subhanahu Wa ta'ala mentioned our families:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا

"Oh you who has believed, protect yourself and your families from the Fire". (Surah At-Tahreem: 6)

So, nurturing first should start at the individual level, then the kids. On the Day of Qiyamah, we will stand alone, each accountable for what he/she has done. No matter how righteous our child would have grown upto be, it will not avail us if we are not practising righteousness ourselves.

May Allah accept our dua, and a'mal what we do for His Sake. May He make us and our children among the swaliheen, shuhada', anbiya' and give us th best companionship in Jannathul Firdaws....aameen

Wa aakhir da'wana anil hamdu lillahi rabbil 'aalameen.

Source: http://letstriveforjannah.blogspot.com